


Liability

by myztixz (orphan_account)



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 04:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/myztixz
Summary: He really appreciates the lectures from the older RFA members sometimes. He knows that they're right, and most of the time it's really for the best, but tonight was different. Tonight, their words felt like daggers that pierced his brain and sliced open the bag of emotions that he'd tried so desperately to keep knotted shut.But even in his darkest hours, at least someone wants him to see the sun rise the next morning.( Set after the 707 end, so name spoilers. Teen & up because of the implied / mentioned self harm )





	Liability

**Author's Note:**

> hey !! this is my first post on this account and my first piece of writing i've actually posted in over a year, so i apologise if it sounds a lil awkward. i tried to base this on one of my own little meltdowns a while back. i love putting characters into my life situations for some reason? easier to write. I like suffering, and my lil bab suffering is me suffering too lmao. it's 5;40 am for me rn when posting and i started at about 20 to 1 ,,, and i'm posting this without reading over it. i hope it doesnt suck. stay safe, ily !
> 
> p.s. i listened to the iu cover of the song 'dear moon' while writing and it fits quite well i think, so i'd recommend that while you read uwu

A thumb hovered over that one button that could stop this escalating before it even starts, but he hesitates, realising how rude he’d seem to just leave without word, especially to all the RFA members that were older than him – so, everyone, really.

He thinks back to those actions before, wishing so desperately to go back and change his decision, to have left the chatroom when he had first got the chance. But no, of course he stayed. He stayed and he regretted it and now everything has gone terribly, terribly wrong.

_Why? Why, why, why?_

The words echoed in his head, tears running down his face like rapid fire, staining his cheeks as he wiped them away furiously. He clicked the exit button, leaving Jaehee, Zen, Seven and Jumin to their own conversation in the chatroom without caring about how abrupt the exit was. He’d never left the chat like this before, and his whole body was shaking in fear or sadness or God knows what – but he really couldn’t handle it any longer. He didn’t care that Jumin would say he was rude, or that him and Zen would get in some tussle about going easier on him while Jaehee watched and Seven laughed. He didn’t care about that. _He didn’t care._

Yoosung Kim _didn’t care_.

_And neither do they_, Yoosung thought. _They don’t care one bit – you could die right now and it wouldn’t matter to any of them. Nobody would attend your funeral. Hey, they wouldn’t even have a funeral, Yoosung – they’d just hear the news and shrug their shoulders and continue with life just as they had before. As though you had never existed._

He pulled his sleeves up from his wrists far above his hands and scrunched the fabric up in his fists, eyes glued shut and teeth gritted as he slammed his head against the wall behind him, breathing almost erratic. He let out a hiss as the pain seethed into every crevice of his brain, more tears pouring out now joined with breathless sobs as he nearly choked on his own sadness.

That’s what it felt like right now – that he was_ choking_, drowning in the world around him while he remained chained to the sea floor with no way of swimming up. He felt pathetic and helpless, and weak, and there was nothing he could do about that. Nothing that wouldn’t get him in trouble with the RFA members again at least. The last few times he’d gone with what he had decided was the easy way to deal with unwanted emotions and they’d noticed, he’d been swept up by Zen or Jaehee and kept under watch until they were sure he wouldn’t do anything else.

He’d promised to never do it again after Jumin had threatened to reach out to someone and send him away.

He had joined the chatroom with hopes of brightening his already damp day, only to be met with an overload of disappointment dumped upon his head as he looked for sympathy through the – what seemed to be – piles of uni work that he just couldn’t finish because he _just didn’t have the energy_. Seven had somewhat understood, but had taken to pitying him and teasing him as Yoosung could only sigh in defeat. Normally it wasn’t this bad – he’d usually skip school work to play LOLOL and just rushed through it all the night before, but he didn’t even have energy to play. He felt weak and tired, both physically and mentally, and something about the messages sent to him had made him weaker and weaker up until he snapped. It wasn’t like this hadn’t happened before – it had just never felt so damn horrible. Normally he could just cry a little into his hands or have a nap and wake up feeling a little brighter, but his light was dimmer than usual today.

God, he wished he could just do it. _Right here, right now_ – _but no_, his mind yelled at him. _You’re weak and pathetic and you’re too scared to face what you desire._ He yelled back, telling himself that he wasn’t those things and that there were better ways to deal with this, just like Zen and Jaehee had told him, and that he didn’t have to do anything stupid again, because he kept being so damn_ fucking stupid_, didn’t he?

Yoosung raised a hand to his forehead, yelling mentally and telling that voice to shut up, his voice breaking more and more with emotion each time. Tears burned in his eyes yet again, but he was determined to stop crying. He needed to stop crying, or somebody help him he might do something he will regret.

He brought his knees up and placed his head between his legs as he tried to recollect himself, to stop his mind yelling at him – only to fall apart even more while doing so. His mind fought back as Yoosung tried to remember Zen and Jaehee’s dramatic speeches about how he has to be living and breathing, if not for himself then for them, but the voice screamed and wailed and shrieked and he was left there again, the chain attached to his ankle in the middle of a deep blue ocean as he drowned in memories of every small and tiny thing he had done wrong.

Sobs shook his body as he cried harder than ever, until the point where there weren’t even tears left. He sat up eventually, his face stone cold as he grabbed things and launched them across his room, screaming at himself as he did so. Someone in the dorms might tell on him, but so what? Nothing mattered anymore. _Nothing at all_.

He stumbled into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of some form of alcohol he had in his cupboard and wondering back into his bedroom, sitting on the side of the bed. His breath was heavy as he took a sip, thinking that maybe it was over, that this breakdown wasn’t going to be as bad as he thought. That the worst had passed. He chugged the drink and went back for more, coming back into his room and placing the now empty glass on his bedside table.

Was it over? He wasn’t sure.

The dorm was filled with absolute silence, the air heavy as he was left in his thoughts. _Bad idea,_ the conscious part of his brain thought. _It isn’t over, Yoosung, because you just left it to brew._

Somehow more tears built up, the smashing of a glass on the floor and the sweep across his bedside desk fuelling them to well up more. He knew he’d have to clean up afterwards, but he couldn’t give less of a shit right now. He threw things and yanked wires and chewed at his hands until he couldn’t take it anymore, curling up in a ball on the floor of his tiny living room and letting the tears take control again, letting himself scream and sob until his throat hurt and his voice was hoarse.

_This nightmare was never over_, he thought. _It never was and it never will be. You’re just too pathetic to get through it, aren’t you, Yoosung? You just ignore it, repeatedly, until one day you won’t be able to, and maybe today is that day Kim Yoosung. Do something you’ll regret, so what. Nobody will care. Nobody at all._

He sits upright a bit, only to choke up all over again and continue sobbing, hunched over the floor as though he was being sick in a toilet after a night out. He wishes that was all that was happening, he wishes the way his brain and his body felt numb was from having fun with his friends, but it wasn’t. He doomed himself. He was well and truly doomed.

Through the tears in his eyes, he saw the glass on the floor shimmer in the light. Part of him so desperately wanted to reach out, to grab it, to -

The door of his dorm opened with a loud click, as Saeyoung bursts through the door with Zen following just behind him. They paused in the doorway, Zen pushing Saeyoung in so he could close the door as the red head just stared sadly, mouth open.

Yoosung glanced over, hands still grazing the chunk of glass on the floor. He looked back at his hand, which snapped back against his side when he realised that they’d be guessing what he was gonna do with it.

‘I guess that’s it then, isn’t it?’

The words bounce around the room, and stop Zen dead in his tracks. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Yoosung sound this…_ broken_. He knows what Yoosung thinks will happen now. He thinks they’re gonna call Jumin and that he’ll be sent away to wherever the hell Jumin decides to send him, so he thinks for a moment. He didn’t really break the promise, not yet, so Zen can’t break his.

‘Yoosung...’ Saeyoung manages to say. His voice is quiet. Zen doesn’t think he can even whisper that quietly.

Zen makes his way over, kneeling next to Yoosung and gently wraps his arms around him. Something in Yoosung breaks in that moment – the darker part of him vanishes into the abyss, and he twists his body to face Zen and hugs him back. His head buried deep into the crevice between his neck and his shoulder, he cries and doesn’t stop. He feels like he cries forever, when in reality it had been the shortest of his crying fits. Hell, it had gotten dark outside. He could’ve finished his school work by now.

Saeyoung carefully removes the glass, putting it in the bin which he mentally notes to empty later on, and tries to clean the place up a bit. After doing so, he kneels just next to the pair, his hand alternating between rubbing his shoulder and stroking his hair. He feels like crying himself – he always tends to after seeing Yoosung in such a state – but manages to keep the tears at bay.

Eventually, the tears stop, and the only sounds are hushing and heavy breaths. Saeyoung notices Zen smile to himself at this milestone, it quickly leaving as Yoosung pulls himself up to sit upright on his knees. He sniffles, wiping his face with his hoodie sleeves, and looks up at the two through the mess of blond hair covering his eyes.

He lets out a shaky breath and looks back down to his knees, fingers twirling and fiddling with his sleeves. A hand is reached out to him, he notices, and as he looks up he immediately recognises it as Saeyoung. He takes it, being helped to stand by them both, and immediately wraps himself around Saeyoung as an almost silent ‘thank you’ is choked out into the red fabric of Saeyoung’s shirt.

The car ride to Seven’s house is almost fully silent. Zen and Yoosung sit in the back as Saeyoung drives, going down empty streets lit up by a few street lights. The youngest of the three stares out at the night sky, sleeve still pulled over his hand as he leans his head on his arm. Zen watches, smiling to himself again. Yoosung seemed at peace, finally.

Occasionally, he’ll hum to himself. It doesn’t really go well, because his voice is so drained, but he hums a little tune and smiles as he sees the moon shining brightly above them. Saeyoung notices, turning on the radio but keeping it on a low volume to keep the ambience. It’s a nice car ride, Yoosung decides. He liked it.

Once at the house, Saeyoung opens the doors and is immediately greeted with a tired looking Saeran, who smiles upon seeing who it is.

‘You waited up?’ he says, quickly turning and grabbing one of Yoosung’s hands while Zen takes the other. They make their way over to the sofa, where they make Yoosung sit.

Saeran’s eyes soften as he sees the state of Yoosung. ‘Yeah. Figured I could be of some help, right? There’s blankets on the armchair, and the kettle just boiled.’

Saeyoung thanks him, stopping his quick walking to flash a small smile at his brother. Saeran smiles back, pulling the sleeves of his jumper down as Yoosung had done earlier and makes his way to the kitchen. He returns, two mugs in hand of hot chocolate, and passes one to Zen, and then the other to Yoosung. He looks over the three quickly, with Yoosung sat between the two older men staring into his mug, practically drowning in blankets. He brings the other two mugs in, placing himself next to Zen after passing one to Saeyoung.

Everyone looks up as Yoosung sits up and leans forward, only for him to place his mug delicately on the floor and move himself to cuddle up against Saeyoung, hugging his arm. Zen moves the blankets gently, and Saeyoung plays with his hair until eventually, the younger boy falls asleep. They all sigh, rellieved, and Zen checks his phone.

‘2am,’ he whispers. ‘Do you mind if I stay here tonight?’

Saeyoung shakes his head in response. ‘Take my bed, I’ll sleep here. You two should get to bed anyway.’

The men in question nod, with Saeran heading off first and disappearing into the hallway of Saeyoung’s bunker to head to his room, as Zen heads to the door opposite them.

The red head smiles to himself, taking his glasses off gently and chucking them on the floor. Yoosung moves a little, causing Saeyoung to tense up in fear of waking him, only to relax when he checks and Yoosung’s eyes are still shut tight. He shuffles a bit, making himself comfy, and finally lets himself drift into dream world in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> okay this went a little more extreme than what it was based on ,,, hope you enjoyed anyways ~


End file.
